Comfort zones are a funny thing, and it seems like the more we fall into them, the less aware we become of it. And yet, despite being labeled as a bad thing, the reality is, the larger your comfort zone, the more freedom you’re able to enjoy. When you’re stuck in a very structured comfort zone, not only are your choices limited, but it requires a great deal of mental exertion anytime you want to reach out of that comfort zone.

In a sense, comfort zones are a lot like weights… weights used in strength training that is. If you can lift 85 pounds, then lifting 95 pounds is a bit strenuous, and it’s going to exhaust your energy at a much quicker rate. It’s tough, but it’s doable. Try lifting 125 pounds however, and you’ll probably get shut out, walking away thinking there’s no WAY I can lift this much weight!

However, were you to start lifting 95 pounds instead of 85, despite being intense and exhaustive at first, it would gradually become easier and easier until it felt normal to you. It wouldn’t require any special skills or abilities, and you’d be able to do it anytime you felt like. You wouldn’t have to psyche yourself up or find ways to draw upon additional energy; instead it would be a natural and even easy activity for you. Over time you could maybe attempt 105 pounds, feeling strained and exhausted at first, but knowing that the more you kept up with it, the easier it would become until it was no longer something special.

We also have a tendency to view things out of our current grasp as being something spectacular. While this is understandable for some things, most of the time this kind of mindset is only going to hinder our progress. Going back to the weight example, if you’re only lifting 85 pounds and you see somebody lifting 125, your first thought is probably He or she is a lot stronger than I am… 125 pounds is a lot of weight! Yet to the person lifting it, it’s NOT a lot of weight; it just feels like a normal amount.

The same holds true with money too. If you’re living off 25k a year, struggling to get by, and you see someone who makes 150k a year, your first thought is probably It must be nice to live in their shoes. Assuming that such a person is instinctively going to have a much more glamorous lifestyle. Maybe they do drive a nicer car and have a larger house, but do you think that person making 150k a year thinks of themselves as special with that kind of money? Probably not. That doesn’t mean they’re not grateful for what they have, but to them, earning a salary of 150k isn’t anything out of the ordinary, it merely represents their day-to-day lifestyle.

Breaching out of your comfort zone is a lot like lifting weights or earning a larger salary; it can be difficult to initially adjust to, but the longer you work at it, the more natural it becomes. Eventually, it stops becoming something phenomenal and out of your grasp and you realize it’s become YOU. Sometimes this can happen so quickly that we don’t even realize a transformation has taken place until a time of proving shows up.

I know when I first started doing public speaking I used to get terrified, yet within a few years of doing it I didn’t even break a sweat. It didn’t haunt my mind or send waves of panic running through my body, rather public speaking was just something I did, not something I looked at with a great deal of fear and insecurity.

That’s the exact premise behind comfort zones and what makes them work in the sense that they do; the more you stretch them, the easier and more natural they begin to feel. Similar to how you would stretch out a muscle over time, comfort zones stop being so painful and eventually adjust themselves to your daily needs.

How are comfort zones established though? How do we go from having a narrow comfort zone where we feel intense anxiety to do almost anything, to having a comfort zone so wide that we can afford to engage in activities that excite us without constantly worrying?

I’d be lying if I said I was able to do anything I wanted without anxiety at all because that’s just not realistic. I’m constantly evolving and finding new ways to expand what I do, which means I’m constantly widening my comfort zone in certain areas.

This issue most people come into is that they want something, but they somehow expect it to miraculously fall into their lap. If I decide that I want to start getting out more and meeting new people, yet anytime I’m invited to some social activity I decline because I’m too anxious, then how am I ever supposed to get over that fear? I’m not just going to wake up one day out of the blue and have what I want if I don’t make the effort to work towards it. That means if I don’t capitalize on opportunities because I’m too scared to do so, then I’m never going to break out of my shell in the first place.

This is extremely common in dating, especially in men. Man, I’d really like to meet that girl, but… I’ll just make a fool out of myself. Forget it. So he obviously wants to make contact with her, but he’s too afraid. There’s certainly no shame in that, as fear is a natural emotion we experience when proceeding with something that holds an unknown outcome to us. Rather, the issue isn’t fear, but the lack of courage to overcome that fear. If you’re too scared to make contact, then how do you expect to get the results you want? Well, maybe she’ll come over and start contact with me, or maybe I can catch her in an off-moment where things won’t feel so confrontational. And that’s a very real possibility. Maybe she WILL start conversation with you first, and maybe you WILL run into her again at a time and place where it’s more convenient to start up conversation. Sure, these are POSSIBILITIES, but nothing more than that. That doesn’t mean just because you make the first move that anything further is going to ensue from that, but if you can’t gather the courage to be proactive in obtaining what you want, then widening your comfort zone is going to be very difficult.

Now imagine, hypothetically, that this same guy was forced to make conversation with a woman he found attractive every day for 100 straight days. He’s going to be nervous the first 10, 20, maybe even 50 times that he does this. He may still feel a tinge of anxiety at the 100’th time he does it, but it’s certainly not going to be anywhere near as nerve-wracking as the first time he does it. That’s because the more you engage in something like that, the wider your comfort zone becomes. It stops becoming something foreign and just becomes part of what you do. Just like putting on your socks or tying your shoelaces, it becomes automatic and you feel no reason to be afraid of it.

The thing is, unless you consciously make an effort to widen your comfort zone, there’s very little you can do to achieve the things you desire that lay outside of it. If I decide that I want to meet more people and yet I stay cooped up inside of my house all day, then how am I supposed to obtain what I want?

Even though it scares a lot of people initially, the biggest way to make progress in the right direction is to accept any and all events that will put you out of your comfort zone. That doesn’t mean do something stupid or dangerous, but any activity that forces you out of the respective comfort zone that you’re trying to widen is a means of progress. For example, if you decide you want to become more social, create more friends for yourself, and interact with new kinds of people, then accepting all social invitations would be something you’d work on doing. Obviously this part is a bit harder as it requires courage to follow through on. Anybody can dream up WHERE they want to be with their life, but not as many people actively follow up on that. Dreaming and thinking is only the first step, eventually you’re going to have to take action. The comforting thing is, it’s never too late to start, and regardless of how things turn out, they can always help you in the long run.

If you decide to start going out with friends more, or going out to parties or meetings with people that you don’t normally associate with, whether the situation turns out how you wanted it or not, it’s still a means of widening your comfort zone. Remember, you've stepped out of your comfort zone. By definition, that means these activities are going to force you into situations or events in which you have little experience with. You may not know how to converse with strangers that well, and you may even feel a bit a bit awkward at parties or social settings with groups of people you don’t know. That’s perfectly fine though, because simply by being there you’re going to pick up on things that you previously had little experience with. You may even decide that you don’t like some things, and that’s perfectly fine too. The goal isn’t for force something down your throat, but rather to open yourself up to experiences so that you can better understand these situations that previously made you uncomfortable; in the end widening your comfort zone.

We also have a tendency to dislike a lot of things that we fear, and so we may shut ourselves out from certain activities using the guise that we don't like them, when in reality it’s something we’d love to do, but we’re too scared to try. A lot of people say they HATE PUBLIC SPEAKING, but what’s to hate about public speaking? It’s just speaking, is it not? Something we do on a daily basis, regardless of who we are. Public speaking can’t physically harm you, and it’s not like the audience is likely to get out of their seat and start attacking you, so why would somebody say they hate public speaking?

Because they’re afraid of it. Interestingly enough, most people wish they were good public speakers, and if it was something they excelled at, they would probably actively engage in it. Were somebody to actually hate public speaking, why would they wish to excel at it? That’s how comfort zones work though, and it can be easy to throw out an excuse about not liking something when in reality we’re just too scared to try it. Whatever your goal or destination is, just remember that you’re not going to miraculously wake up there overnight. You have to start working at it sometime, and the sooner you start, the sooner the anxiety and fear it holds over you can subside

There isn’t any miracle formula that can do this for you, but having a conscious understanding of how comfort zones work, to what extent you’d like to stretch them, and knowing that courage is going to be required in getting what you want - will all allow you to better adjust your comfort zones to your liking. I think life is much too short to constantly be focusing on worry instead of opportunity. Only when we overcome our fears can we fully capitalize on what it is we seek.