Social Conditioning

Social conditioning is sort of like an invisible hand that guides our motions, always present yet often going unnoticed. From what we eat to the way we style our hair and what clothes we pick out for the day, social conditioning has its hands buried heavily in our affairs and most of us don’t even realize it. While it would be nice to just wish it away, for most people their entire character is built around social conditioning. They lack the ability (and the backbone) to stand on their own two feet, and require society to guide them towards what they think is best instead of making those choices on their own.

While I’ve already written two articles that skimmed the surface on social conditioning and what it can do to us, Intelligence Vs Obedience, Caring What Others Think, neither article set out to tackle the issue in its entirety. The problem is, social conditioning seems to have taken such a strong root in so many people that I’m close to, I feel like avoiding the problem would be doing them a great injustice. Not merely for my benefit however, but for the fact that if these people were able to stand up on their own two feet and think on their own accord, not only would they be happier, but they’d also be much more productive, knowledgeable, and interesting individuals. I find that I have a very hard time just watching people go by stuck in the root of social conditioning and not even realize it. If I can help OTHER people get out of this rut as well, then it’s certainly worth the time and effort spent writing this.

One of the biggest pitfalls to social conditioning is peer pressure and those that follow it. Other people who have already succumbed to social conditioning will generally try and pressure others into thinking and acting in a manner that’s similar to them. In other words, uniqueness is thrown out the window and following “what everyone else is doing” sort of becomes the norm.

Admittedly, it’s tough for me to always get inside the head of those that choose to follow such a mindset, as I’ve often been criticized for striving TOO hard to be unique. Not that I dress in some bizarre manner or speak in an odd way, but I’ve always TRIED to push myself away from the path of least resistance; tried to follow what I truly believe in as opposed to doing what’s popular. Sometimes this has worked for me and sometimes it hasn’t, but I’m at least proud to say that I’ve always made my own decisions and been my own boss.

Take nutrition for example. It doesn’t even have to be specific to any particular eating style or diet, but just in general. Go out with some buddies to catch the game somewhere, and if you’re not slamming back beers and downing wings, something is obviously wrong with you. Vegetable pasta… what?! Come on man… this is beer and wing night! For women it can sort of be the opposite effect, as they’re expected to order something small and light, and so if it were the woman ordering beer and wings, it may be looked at with a bit of dismay.

Of course, that leads us to the natural question of: Is social conditioning always a bad thing?

Yes and no. The fact that social conditioning exists is a bad thing in that it makes the choices for people without them even realizing it. Regardless of the particular situation or scenario, anytime somebody lacks the ability to choose for themselves and instead must rely on what’s “popular,” it usually isn’t going to have a good impact on that individual. Sure, they may be liked by some of their peers for blending into the crowd, but it’s certainly not going to take them anywhere in life. Anytime true intelligence is discarded for social conditioning it’s never bound to be a good thing, and it’s the very core of its existence that makes it so rotten.

On the other hand, not EVERYTHING that’s considered “socially acceptable” is a bad thing. We ALL follow things that are socially acceptable and do so because we genuinely enjoy them. The difference is those that choose to do something because they actually like it, and those that choose to do something because it’s expected of them. Being in the former group is fine, but individuals existing within the latter group (and there are certainly many of them) have fallen prey to social conditioning and probably don’t even realize it. That being said, understanding social conditioning is one thing, but actually knowing how to overcome it (or help those that suffer from it) is a completely different matter. Knowing IS half the battle, but defeating it is the true test.

It’s hard to coach someone on how to be unique. It’s one of those traits that certain people seem to be more prone towards than others, and so there’s no simple formula for transforming from a follower into a leader. While there are a lot of reasons that could attribute themselves to such behavior, possessing a level of confidence and authority is one of the most direct ways to overcoming such a barrier.

It’s easy to throw the word ‘confidence’ around as if it’s the solution to all of life’s answers, but in this case it certainly does play a big role in social conditioning and how certain individuals respond to it. The more somebody is willing to express their true selves and the more confident they are; the more authority they exert over their own life and actions. When you live in constant fear of how others are going to perceive you, then of course you’re going to blend in and bring the least amount of attention to yourself. In escaping the clutches of social conditioning, you possess both enough confidence AND authority to acknowledge that there are people out there who will both disagree with and criticize your actions. If the reigns to your life are in your hands and not someone else’s though, this is never really an issue.

For example, if I choose to follow a certain diet or lifestyle, why should it bother me what others think of my actions? Am I afraid that a specific person I’m interested in won’t return my phone calls, or that my family will up and disown me? Were I to actually think like this, I’d essentially be giving away my power to somebody else, letting them dictate what the best course of action for me is.

And why shouldn’t they? Obviously if I’m going to give up the power over my own actions, of course somebody is going to take the reins. That’s what makes social conditioning so hard to overcome for most people, because they give up their own power and never even realize it. There’s always going to be SOME interested party deciding how you act and what you do, and if that interested party isn’t you, then you better believe it’s going to be somebody else.

But if it requires confidence and authority to stand up for ourselves and acknowledge that we’re the ones who are going to be making our own decisions here, not somebody else, then how do we go about obtaining or strengthening these traits? Confidence obviously comes in many flavors, from how comfortable you are on dates to performing under pressure, but the confidence we’re looking for is a sort of mental confidence, what I like to call a mental clarity. Being able to think clearly without the constant invasion of outside sources or pressures. When your mind is constantly under assault from others and you’re constantly being told what to think and what to do, then of course you’re going to lack authority and confidence, what else do you expect?

The easiest method of creating mental clarity for yourself is in analyzing the major pillars of your life. For example, the way you dress, the people you associate with, the food you eat, etc etc. While it initially sounds superficial, these are all areas of our life that social conditioning greatly affects, and if you can draw a strong conclusion here, it makes it much easier to determine where you stand.

But how do you go about analyzing such things? It’s simple: all you have to do is take the major pillars of your life and ask yourself if you’d still follow that same path were you to never have any conflicts with people again. So for example, would you still dress the same way if you knew that regardless, everyone would perceive you in a positive manner? Would you still associate with certain groups of people, or would you choose to associate with people that were more into your interests? Would you eat the food that you TRULY wanted to eat, or would you eat a certain way because you think that’s what’s socially acceptable of you?

If you’d choose to dress in a different manner, then that’s a pretty strong indication that you only dress a certain way now because you think it’s expected from others. Maybe you really want to start eating better or healthier for yourself, but you’re afraid those around you will constantly question or scrutinize your new eating habits. Whatever it is about yourself that you’d like to change, you can consider that an area which “needs improvement.” And don’t worry, we ALL have aspects of our lives which we live out through the socially acceptable standards and not out of our own interests. You certainly can’t change overnight, and for each area that you’ve identified, begin by adjusting the elements of that particular thing to better align with your true values and ideas. So for example, maybe you didn’t even realize you’ve been dressing a particular way that doesn’t really fit the mold of what you really like. That doesn’t mean throw out all your clothes and immediately run to the store to buy new ones, but slowly experiment in finding ways to dress that you DO like. Social conditioning and breaking out of it are very much trial and error experiences, and just as it’s not something you fell into overnight, it’s not going to be something you can break out of overnight either.

Finally, one of the biggest and most beneficial aspects of breaking off the chains of social conditioning is the release of anxiety and stress it can have on you. Anytime you’re acting in a manner that isn’t truly YOU, consciously or subconsciously, it’s like being pushed up against a wall the entire time. You’re not really given the freedom to branch out as you’d like, because you’re stuck following the motions of somebody else or some other trend. Don’t start acting all over the top or dressing in a completely bizarre manner, as you’ll only look needy and hungry for attention. (Unless that’s a style that truly aligns well with you.) Instead, focus on eating the way YOU want, speaking the way YOU want, and going about your daily business the way YOU want. Essentially, act out what comes naturally to you, not what you think others are expecting. You’ll feel much less stressed and anxious as you’re able to go towards the things that really matter and interest you, while discarding the things that don’t. Besides, who wants to follow the leader when you can BE the leader?