Seeking Approval

One thing that bugs me a lot, and it’s something that I continually see in young people over and over, is this need to follow someone else’s standards; this constant urge of seeking approval from others. Usually it’s from parents or other close acquaintances, but more and more I’m seeing people give up their true interests in life to pursue some other avenue because somebody else wants them to.

I know I can’t be the only one who thinks this is stupid.

Why do we worry about seeking approval from others though? Why do we let the opinion of somebody else affect OUR course of action in life? If we truly think the road we’re taking is best, does it really make sense to change our plans just to accommodate the thoughts of another? Just because somebody else disagrees with our choices, is that really reason enough to stop what we’re doing? Since when do we even need the approval of others?

The problem with constantly seeking approval is that it not only steals your independence, but it makes you look weak as well. It lends to the impression that you’re unable to think for yourself and make your own decisions, meaning somebody else has to do those things for you. You’re giving all your power away to somebody else and letting them call the shots over YOUR life. In all honesty though, what do you really hope to gain by seeking approval from this particular person? A friend? Are you hoping they’ll like you more? What anybody else chooses to do or think is their business, but don’t ever let it stand in the way of what you truly want.

Let’s say you really want to start your own home-based internet business to run on the side, something you can work on a few hours each morning before you head off to work. This kind of thing is usually pretty exciting, and it’s common to tell family members and friends about what your plans are. Suppose that you receive a lot of negative feedback from these people, does that mean you’re no longer going to start up your business?

Starting a business can be kinda risky these days… especially with the economy being what it is.

Are you sure you really want to invest the time and effort into something like that? It doesn’t seem too smart to me…

It’s common to hear remarks like these anytime you decide to change any aspect of your life, not just in starting up a new business, but in anything from diet changes to complete lifestyle overhauls. Hearing these people out and understanding where they’re coming from is one thing, but seeking approval from them is something completely different.

When we attempt to seek approval from others, what we’re really doing is asking for their permission to proceed with whatever it is we have planned.

Well, Jim doesn’t think it’s a wise idea I start my own business so maybe I’ll just hold off.

Instead of using our own intuition, we’re essentially asking someone else to tell us what to do. You may as well come out and say:

“Am I allowed to start my own business? You don’t mind, do you?”

If you’re going to focus on gaining the approval of others, you may as well make your intentions clear; let them know that you have no desire to think for yourself and so you’re relying on their permission to guide you. For everyone else, everyone who wants to be responsible for their own decisions, realize that the opinions of others are merely that, opinions.

When I started up this website and told people how much time I was investing into it each day, the majority of feedback I received was negative. How such a project was only a waste of time and how I shouldn’t let it get in the way of what “really mattered.” Had I been worried about seeking approval from those people, this website would have been shut down long ago and this very article you’re reading right now wouldn’t even exist. The thing is, I don’t need anyone’s permission to carve out the kind of lifestyle I deem suitable for myself, and part of that lifestyle includes earning passive income. If this bothers certain people then so be it, I’m certainly not losing any sleep over it.

I wasn’t always this way though, and there was a time when I’d worry about seeking the approval of those around me whenever something changed in m life. Although I’m not that way anymore, I certainly remember the mindset I used to harbor when seeking approval was a part of my daily routine. It’s common to seek the approval of others when making certain decisions because we’ve become so accustomed to it. Sometimes we even forget to think for ourselves, and we automatically assume that if everybody isn’t on board with our plans something must be wrong. That these other people somehow know our life better than we know it ourselves. Of course, although thinking this way is just plain foolish, it DOES happen quite frequently.

Eventually I realized that I didn’t need anybody else to guide me towards what was best, and that if I wanted to be truly self-sufficient and independent in life, I was going to have to learn how to make those kinds of decisions on my own. A lot of people have no difficulty when it comes to blowing off complete strangers, but in the presence of family or friends, they continually try and seek approval for their actions. I too used to be that way. The truth is, it really doesn’t matter who you’re asking permission from, whether it’s a family member or somebody you’ve never seen before, the end result is still the same. You can either ask for permission or you can’t, but don’t fool yourself into thinking just because you’re asking a family member that it’s somehow different.

This is common in students going off to college for the first time. A lot of students will study something their parents want them to study, forgoing whatever real interests they may have. Their actual interest may be in English, but if the folks want them studying chemistry so they can get a pharmacy degree because that’s what brings in the money, then that’s what they’re studying! That isn’t to say their parents aren’t good sources of information for choosing a subject to study, but a lot of students get pigeonholed into a particular field they could care less about all in an attempt to please their family. It may sound fine now, but in 10 or 20 years when they’re working in an industry they find boring and dull, they’ll come to regret those actions.

In short, worry less about what somebody ELSE wants you to do with your life, and worry more about what YOU want to do with your life. You live your life and let them live theirs. I promise you you’ll find it much more enjoyable that way, and if anybody wants to huff and puff about things then let them. In fact, these days I laugh when I see somebody getting all worked about a choice I make that doesn’t even affect them. There are so many ways to enjoy life, why do people even spend a second of their time stressing something somebody else is doing? Although I wish I could answer that question, you’ll certainly find a lot of people with their noses in your business, trying to persuade you to change your course of action in life. As long as you know the difference between asking for someone’s opinion and asking for their permission you’ll be fine. Remember, the only permission in life you need is your own, gaining the approval of everyone else can wait.