Ever notice how some people constantly complain, whine, worry, or fret that something isn’t going to turn out right? Whether they’re hosting a party, gearing up to give a big presentation, or simply ordering dinner at a restaurant; these negative people will always search for the one aspect that isn’t perfect and continually bring it up. Just gave a successful presentation in front of 500 people? But oh no, My voice cracked a little bit in the beginning! The waiter just brought our dinner to the table, but what’s this? My potatoes don’t enough have enough gravy on them. And how about that after dinner party we just hosted? Would’ve been great except instead of all 100 guests coming out we only had about 75… better luck next year I guess.

Even though these are just a few small examples, it gives you an idea of how negative people react to certain situations and their environment. Instead of focusing on the positive aspect of what’s going on around them, they continually drive themselves towards the negative like a guided missile. These minor aspects get blown up in proportion and suddenly everything good that just happened has been thrown out the window, with the only thing being that one bad aspect. Dinner could’ve been great, everything was cooked to perfection and the service was top notch, yet because those potatoes are just a bit shy on the gravy, all of a sudden a great dinner turns into a bad one. It doesn’t matter that your waiter took great care of everyone and that your main entrée was served just the way you like it, because those potatoes weren’t 100% to your liking, suddenly dinner was a bad experience. Logically, the thing to do when somebody acts like this is ignore them or let them get it out of their system, right? If they want to complain then fine, let them complain and whine, and once they’re done, we’ll just pick up where we left off.

Except that never happens. When was the last time you knew someone who constantly complained, whined, and was generally unhappy with everything around them, and then just suddenly stopped? The problem with these negative people is that once they get started, they find it hard to stop. Complaining and whining literally becomes a way of life to them, and they often find that rarely if ever are they happy with anything. Not only does this make themselves feel miserable, but it often has the same effect on those around them. The people we surround ourselves often rub off on us, and so naturally if you’re around a bunch of unhappy, cranky people then that’s how you’re going to feel too. It can be hard standing up and being that one positive light when you’re surrounded by a sea of negativity. What’s not hard is joining in with these people. Everyone else at work is always grumpy… so now I’m grumpy too! Are most negative people really like this though? Negativity can manifest itself in so many forms and show itself in so many different ways, how can you be sure if somebody is actually a negative person or just having a rough day?

How can I be sure? Because I used to be one of those people. I used to be a negative person. I used to focus in on the bad and rarely if ever did I see the good in what was going on around me. It was easy to look at all the problems I was surrounded by and forget about everything positive that was keeping me up. Not only is living a life like this both depressing and uninspiring, but after some time I literally felt pathetic. It dawned on me that this was a change I needed to make for myself, that life was too short to constantly worry about problems and issues. I sort of came to a point in my life where I almost felt useless, like Is this really what I want to spend all my energy doing? Make no mistake, being a negative person certainly consumes a lot of energy, and it certainly seems to attract more and more negative things into your life. It doesn’t matter whether you believe in the law of attraction or not, when you’re a negative person, you’re constantly on the hunt for any and all negativity around you. If you can spot something wrong then you jump on it as soon as you can. That being said, I can honestly say I’ve been a positive person for some time now. I’ve become extremely care-free and well spirited, and I worry little if at all about the negative things that may float into my life or the lives of others around me. That doesn’t mean I simply don’t care or that I just brush everything under the rug, but rather I refuse to spend my time and my energy worrying about something I can’t control. Not only does it strip me of my self-worth, but it makes me look pathetic to those around me. Like I have no ownership over my own life, and instead I rely on whining and complaining as a means for coping with my environment.

The problem with negative thoughts and behavior though, is that it creates a slippery slope scenario for whoever’s bringing about the negativity. What’s a slippery slope? It essentially means that once you get rolling towards a given direction, you continue to pick up speed and weight in that direction, making it hard to turn yourself around. That means that once these people get rolling with their negative thoughts and behavior, it becomes very difficult to just “stop” and start thinking on a more positive level. Before they know it, these people have become surrounded by a world of negativity that they themselves have created. Anyone that tries to shed some light into their sea of darkness is looked upon as ignorant and uninformed, and these negative people are left to wallow in their own pity.

That’s one of the problems when it comes to helping negative people: they often don’t want help to begin with. The phrase misery loves company has been around for a reason, and the last thing negative thinkers want is a positive light raining on their parade. The second you try and inform these people that not everything around them is bad, is the second you’re being shot down and often belittled. Most negative people have this idea that they know something that you don’t, and therefore that’s why they’re so negative. They’ll often look down upon you as being clueless and left out, Travis is so clueless, if he knew what I knew, he wouldn’t be laughing right now. Unfortunately, if anybody is clueless it’s these people. If they knew there was more to life than being unhappy all the time, always finding something to complain about, and constantly whining about their problems to others, they probably wouldn’t be negative people to begin with.

That being said, negative people often find that other negative people are their biggest ally. Ever notice how as soon as one complains, then the others around them start up too? It’s like once the initial attack of negativity has been launched, they all join up in full force. This too is part of the slippery slope effect, as these people continually feed off each others negative thoughts and behaviors.

But now that we understand negative people a little bit better, how do we deal with them, and better yet, if we’re a negative person ourselves, how do we get over it?

I’ll be honest with you, even though I overcame negativity myself, it certainly isn’t an easy thing. That isn’t to say you can’t do it or to discourage anyone from trying (as you certainly should be trying) but rather know that the longer you’ve been a negative person, the longer it’s going to take you to get over it. Just as you didn’t become a negative person overnight, you won’t be able to put it behind you overnight either. Which brings us to the question of: how exactly do you overcome negativity?

In my personal experience, there are two successful methods to overcoming your negative thoughts and behaviors. Acting these methods out isn’t so hard, following through with them however is another story. It can require some forced willpower, which is where most people lose their way. They get off to a strong start, but then they see that it actually requires hard work and they get thrown off the horse. There isn’t any magical thought or saying that I can give you that’ll put all your negativity behind you; what I can give you however, is two important pieces of information.

Firstly, you need to take a good look around, a really good look. Notice everything that you have, whether it’s a car or a house, or whether it’s a personal possession you carry. Notice that you have clothes on your back and food in your stomach. Maybe you don’t have designer brand clothes on your back or the most luxurious meal in your stomach, but at least you still have these things Chances are if you’re reading this, you have access to a computer too. Take a minute and realize that most people in the world do not have all of these things. That isn’t just a quote I decided to pull out of thin air, but rather it’s a hard fact and statistic. Don’t believe me? Take five minutes of your time right now and go research it, research how many people around the world live in poverty or face a daily struggle just to keep a roof over their heads. Even in well developed countries, look at the statistics of how many people live in poverty or have far fewer things than you do. It doesn’t matter that you’ve had to cut back your spending lately, or that your bonus this year wasn’t quite as high as you thought it would be. It doesn’t matter that you have to wait a few extra months before you can afford that new carpeting you’ve been wanting for the living room. It doesn’t even matter that the waiter was a little bit slow getting your dinner out to you; really, it doesn’t matter. All those people around the world that live in poverty and with far fewer possessions than you do, guess what? They’d kill to be in your shoes right now. They’d kill to have a house they can call home, to have a car they can drive around every day, or even to have the luxury of going to the grocery store and being able to choose what they want to eat for dinner that night.

If that isn’t enough for you, then think about all the relationships you currently have in your life right now. All the people who love you and all the people you call friends. Don’t dwell on the fact that you’re not married or currently seeing anyone, or the fact that somebody else has more friends than you do. It’s not about that, and if that’s how you think, then that’s a negative thought pattern right there. Think about what you do have, even if it’s only one friend and nothing else. Realize what you do have, and realize that there are people out there who are far lonelier and far worse off than you are. Even if you don’t have one single friend, so what? Often times I’ve easily fulfilled the role of my own best friend, keeping myself happy without any outside help. I don’t mean I sit around and talk to myself, rather I know myself better than anyone else, and thus I’m at a point where I don’t always need others to make me happy. I can find happiness on my own, and I can keep it that way. Negative people don’t see that though, and too often they rely on others to entertain them or make them happy. Even if it’s not other people, they rely on some kind of outside source to keep them happy. For some this can be drugs or alcohol, and for others it can be anything from the television to the internet. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with finding enjoyment in something, however when you can’t find happiness in yourself and instead rely on an outside source to do so, then that’s when issues can arise. To sum it up, stop focusing on what you DON’T have, and start focusing on what you DO have.

Which leads me to my next point: combating the negative with the positive. Hopefully what I said above made you realize that your life isn’t all that bad, and that despite what you think, the world isn’t coming to an end. I know you’re probably thinking well you’re not in my shoes, you don’t know what I’m going through, and that’s true, I’m not in your shoes. However, what I do know is that your situation is only as bad as you make it out to be. Because you’re constantly focusing in on the negative aspects and surroundings, that’s all you’re able to see. It’s sort of like tunnel vision, where you’re only able to see what it is that you want to see. You block everything else out except for that certain aspect.

But remember how I said it would require some hard work and willpower to overcome this negative thought pattern? This is where that comes in. From now on, anytime you have a negative thought, cancel it out by forcing yourself to come up with two positive thoughts about the same subject as your negative thought. Dinner was cooked wrong? Think of two positive aspects about your dinner that you thoroughly enjoyed, and why you enjoyed them. I can’t simply say don’t think any negative thoughts because that wouldn’t be realistic, often times things can pop into our heads when we least expect them or least want them. Also, don’t confuse a general dislike with negativity. For example, if you just don’t like Chinese food, then you just don’t like Chinese food. There’s a difference in generally not liking something and attacking it. If I serve you Chinese food when you generally don’t like it, then you’re not attacking the food, it’s simply not what you enjoy to eat. However if I serve you Chinese food and all you can say is that the vegetables were cooked too long and the rice is too dry, then that’s being negative. You’re zoning in and purposely trying to find bad aspects of something.

If this does happen, simply counter-balance each negative thought with two positive thoughts. Maybe the vegetables were cooked too long, but the sauce certainly was delicious and the egg rolls were the best you’ve had in a long time. The rice is too dry? Well, at least they made up for it by providing great service, and those appetizers certainly were delicious.

Being a positive person doesn’t mean you go around all day with a big smile on your face, rather it means that instead of dwelling on the negative, you focus that energy on the positive, something that (unfortunately) very few people can do. Negative people rarely accomplish this, instead they focus all their time and energy in finding problems; if they can’t find a problem with something, they simply create one. Negative people offer no solutions or insight, they simply exist to pump up whatever problems they can find until they’re bigger than they originally were. And trust me, living like this is no fun. Very rarely do you feel happy, and very rarely do you feel accomplished or successful. I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum and being a negative person is one of the worse things anyone can be. Not only is it in itself very debilitating, but it can also lead to a plethora of other issues. It may cause some people to feel depressed, others to take up drinking, and it can even leave some feeling angry all the time.

But just as negativity falls into the slippery slope, so does being positive. As you become more and more positive with what’s going on around you, focusing on what you do have instead of what you don’t, you’ll find that you’re more able to bounce the negative people right off of you. When somebody complains or whines to me now, I almost feel bad for them, partly because I was once in their shoes, and partly because I know they’re experiencing a true feeling of unhappiness. I don’t want to necessarily say I look down upon these people or that I pity them, but I realize that as a person they haven’t developed their true potential. That by complaining and whining to me, they’re effectively trying to get me to join in on their parade of negativity.

So with everything I’ve said, hopefully now you can better appreciate the effects of thinking positively, and why falling into a pattern of negativity can be so harmful to yourself and those around you. Also remember that it’s never too late to start pulling yourself out of the negative thinking hole, and that the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll be out. Even if you don’t consider yourself a “negative” person at all, it’s still nice to remind yourself everyone once and a while of everything good you have going on in your life.

One day of happiness is better than a thousand days of depression, anger, and resentment; get there, and you'll be happy you did.