One thing I used to be extremely guilty of myself was judging others. I don’t want to say I necessarily had a superiority complex, as it wasn’t that I thought I was BETTER than these people, just that I’d categorize them before even really meeting them.

She must be really stuck up… just look at the way she's dressed.

He’s obviously not the brightest…

To be quite honest, for a while I didn’t see too many issues with this mentality, as I viewed myself with such high regards that I thought it was “ok” if someone like me judged others. Of course, little did I know that my actions and judgment of others was more a reflection of myself and my own personal insecurities than it was on anyone else.

There are a few reasons we judge others, but the most prominent of these reasons being that we often feel insecure about ourselves, and through these insecurities we become fearful of others. In judging someone else negatively, we look to find weak spots in their armor that we can exploit in hopes of bringing them down to our level. If you want a classic example of this, look at the way people who undergo a drastic diet change are often treated. If your friends are used to meeting up and scarfing down burgers and fries every weekend, they’ll start to question while you’re suddenly forgoing all that for a healthier meal. They may tease or poke fun at your diet change, wondering why you suddenly decided to go off the beaten path and try something new. Despite the fact that YOUR healthy eating is hardly going to affect them, you’ll probably notice they STILL continue to make an issue out of it. Why? Because they’re judging you.

Your new and improved lifestyle makes theirs look weaker in comparison, and so anything they can do to bring you down a notch is going to help even the playing field. Successful people routinely deal with these kinds of issues; however the difference between successful and unsuccessful people is that successful people don’t let such things get to them. They’re not bothered by the judgment of others, and in the process don’t rely on judging others to boost their own ego.

But what if you find yourself judging others like I was? Sometimes I’d even start to feel a bit hostile when I thought somebody was “better than me,” and I’d go out of my way to let the other person know I didn’t like them. In doing so, not only was I judging others, but I was alienating myself from an abundance of successful people! One of the easiest ways to boost your own success is to associate with other successful people so you can pick up on certain qualities they possess, yet I was only pushing these people further and further away.

That being said, before you can really move out of this habit, the first thing you have to do is make sure you have a healthy dose of self respect for yourself. Don’t expect to be comfortable with other people unless you’re completely comfortable with yourself. Once you’ve achieved that, however, you need to ask yourself what qualities you possess that maybe make you feel insecure. Admitting these insecurities is actually HARDER than overcoming them, but don’t get caught up in feeling that sense of denial. Realize what it is and focus on it, understanding that it could be 1 simple thing or 10 different things.

Is it:

• Your height?
• Your build?
• You intellect?
• Your salary?
• Your social skills?
• Your education?

For example, if you’re insecure about the money you make, you may find yourself looking down on anybody who drives past in a luxury car or anyone who owns a bigger home than you do. On the outside you’ll portray it as:

Man, that guy’s such a show off… thinking he’s sooo cool in that Mercedes.

On the inside, however, what you’re really thinking is:

Why is it that he’s capable of achieving so much and I’m not? Is he really that much better than me that deserves that kind of money and I don’t?

When judging others, even though the problem starts with an insecurity you have, the natural reaction isn’t to announce that, but to instead focus on any potential fault the other person has. Announcing your insecurity would only serve to make you look weaker, and so the tendency is that if you can’t be on someone else’s level, then you’re going to have to drag them down to yours. Of course, there’s a glaring problem with this sort of mindset. Instead of working to ELEVATE your status, you’re instead working to REDUCE the status of another. At the end of the day, would you rather be miserable and know that there are other people just as bad as you, or would you rather feel GOOD about yourself and see that there are others who feel just as good?

Aside from simply judging others, there’s a sort of reverse mindset that some people carry in which they use to judge others who they think have judged them. The root of this mindset is the same as the one mentioned above, still boiling down to insecurities, with the only difference being the way it’s acted out.

I see her staring at me… she WISHES she looked this good.

That guy wishes he could pump as much iron as I do… dream on buddy.

When people “think” someone else is judging them, oftentimes the first reaction is to judge back, as if that’s going to solve anything. The thing is, most of the time these people aren’t even being judged, nor do they even truly believe they are, they’re simply looking for a way to boost their ego in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Why would another guy who doesn’t even know you really care about how much weight you can lift at the gym, or how big your paycheck is this period?

Regardless of how it starts, once you’ve judged someone before even knowing them, you have to understand WHY you’re creating a negative link between you and this person. Once you’ve done that, it becomes a matter of accepting your own insecurities and working to change them. If you consistently feel threatened and angry anytime someone talks about the university they went to, is that because you secretly relent the fact that you never attended one yourself? When you see people laughing and having a good time amongst themselves, do you find their behavior obnoxious and irritating? Is that because you lack a good SOCIAL CIRLCE, or because you feel as if your social skills aren’t up to par?

Is it really always an issue to judge others though? Obviously labeling another person before you even know them isn’t a wise idea, but once you’ve gotten to thoroughly know somebody, is judging them based on those actions really so bad?

The truth is no, it’s not. We must eventually reach a conclusion about somebody, and once you had the time to thoroughly converse or interact with somebody, then using those details to understand them isn’t so bad.

For example, if you work with someone who constantly talks about how they hate their commute, hate their job, can’t stand the customers, get annoyed by the boss, and radiate negativity in everything they do, then it’s safe to say that this is a pretty negative and unhappy person. Because of that, there’s a good chance you’ll want to avoid such an individual. Had you decided to avoid this person before even meeting them then that could be looked upon as judging this person, however once you’ve gathered the fact and seen for YOURSELF that this person is truly someone you don’t want to associate with, then there’s no reason to feel guilty about breaking those ties or to look inside yourself for potential insecurities. In this sense, you’re not “judging” someone, you’re simply choosing to avoid this person because of the way they’ve chosen to present themselves.

But what about when we judge others in a positive light? A lot of us do this all the time, even though we may not consciously be aware of it. What about all those times you see someone really attractive person go by and instantly think “I’d love to meet him or her” Or all the times we look at someone and think “he seems like a cool dude.” Although this shares similarities with judging people negatively in that you’re jumping to a conclusion before first meeting the person, it’s still not quite the same. For one, when you look at someone and come to a POSITIVE conclusion, that’s generally because the person gives out a vibe that you’re attracted to. This doesn’t necessarily mean a physical attraction, but rather something that clicks well with you. If you’re really into dressing a certain way and you see somebody else dressed similarly, then you may naturally assume that you and this other person have something deeper in common, even if can’t consciously place your finger on it.

Although assumptions are generally considered bad, assumptions based on a positive outlook can usually lead to something good. Anything that propels you forward to meet new people is always a good thing.

The next time you feel yourself giving a bad rep to someone you don’t even know, look in the mirror a little harder and think about where such negativity could stem from. In the process you’ll not only feel better, but you’ll learn to get over any potential insecurities you probably didn’t know you had.