In a sense, life is a lot like those video games people often play. You choose a character (you), you develop skills that suit your needs, and you immerse yourself in the world. Although people have a knack for complicating this, it’s actually a fairly straightforward model. We’re only given so much choice in how we look (bodyweight, hairstyle, muscle mass, etc), but we’re given an infinite amount of choice when it comes to developing skills and using them to interact with what’s around us. This presents us with an incredible amount of freedom, giving us an abundance of choices when it comes to developing a life for ourselves. The other interesting thing about this model is, like a video game, no two play throughs will ever be the same. Depending on how you go about developing skills for your character (you), the way that you interact with the world will always be different from the way somebody else interacts with the world, regardless of how similar you may appear to be. Even if two people share the same destination, the paths to getting there will always be completely unique.

For example, take two people who on the outside look extremely similar. Similar build, height, and facial appearance. Now imagine if one of those people spends a great deal interacting with others; socializing, going out, and surrounding themselves with friends in whatever they do. Now imagine if the other person put more of their resources into technical skills; spending less time with other people and instead gaining a good deal of proficiency in computers and other similar systems. Even though each person looks similar, the ways they interact with the world would be completely different. They would more than likely pursue different career paths, would have completely different social circles, and would live entirely different lives. Although at a glance they may appear to be similar, they chose two separate paths when it came to developing skills, and so while appearance DOES persuade the way we interact with the world, (or rather, the way the world interacts with us) it’s our skillsets that affect us most.

Just like in a role playing video game, two characters going after the same objective will approach it through different methods depending on the skills they possess. Maybe you have to defeat some monster or demon who’s trying to stop your character from getting where he or she needs to go, and so you have to find a way to get around such an obstacle. One person’s character may be able to sneak around this kind of problem, while another person’s character may tackle it head on. Someone else’s character may be able to intimidate or pay off whatever enemy is standing in their way, meaning they don’t even have to bother fighting their way through such a situation. Sometimes your character will run into an enemy that’s so big and tough you can’t possibly defeat it alone, meaning you’ll have to bring a group of friends with a diverse range of skills to take down such a foe. In real life we see this all the time, and it’s common to put your skills to use along with someone else’s to great something bigger than either of you could have done alone. Creating a business is often like this, where we could place the person with the great social skills in the marketing department, and the person with the technical knowledge in the engineering department. With their combined range of skills they can overcome obstacles that are much bigger than either of them.

Remember, developing skills doesn’t mean you have to sit around with your nose in a book or go out and start fixing problems just to gain experience. If the skills you’re pursuing fall within these categories then that’s certainly acceptable, however you can gain a wide variety of skills simply by pursuing your interests. For example, regardless of your main hobbies, developing skills which boost your social confidence can help you in almost every aspect of life. It’s not something you have to actively do, but rather it’s a passive skill that’s always “turned on.” You don’t have to wake up and say “I’m going to develop my social skills today.” Instead you can pursue the interests that come naturally to you, and as you interact with more and more people, your social skills will climb as a byproduct of those interactions.

Although that’s just one example, people continually equate developing skills with something like homework. They think you have to sit down and “study” the skill in order to make use of it. For many skills this certainly holds true, however there are just as many you can develop by following something you enjoy. The point being, developing skills doesn’t always have to be “work.” It can (and should) be enjoyable, and the more you do it, the more you’ll grow to like it.

When it comes to developing skills though, what should we focus on? Life is so full of opportunities, where do we even start? The truth is, not every skill you work on is going to be enjoyable ALL the time. We occasionally come into rough spots that may shake us up, causing us to evaluate how important such a skill is to us. It’s like learning another language; each additional language you know is an additional skill you possess. Each of those additional skills is going to open a tremendous amount of doors that somebody else wouldn’t have access to. The question then isn’t if knowing such a skill can be helpful, but knowing where it stands in our list of priorities.

For example, if you decide to learn Italian yet you have no friends or family members who speak it, and no interest in reading Italian literature, would the time and effort spent on developing such a skill be worth it? Instead of investing hundreds of hours into something like that, would that time have been better spent developing skills that you could gain more use from? Ultimately that’s a question only you can answer, but it does mean you need some sense of direction with where you’re life is heading.

In a video game, you’re presented with a list of skills you can develop for your character. Much like life, you need to have a sense of direction as to how you want to build your character, meaning the skills you develop for your character should ultimately take you closer towards your goal. As your character grows and grows, and you become more proficient in certain skills, are you finding that you’re getting closer to where you want to be, or are you regretting that you didn’t learn other skills instead? Life is the same way, and it often requires a bit of trial and error before we get things right.

It’s impossible to be proficient in every single skill there is, there just isn’t enough time in life to do so -- meaning you have to be smart about where you place your time. If I decide that I’m going to become proficient in 10 different languages, that’s certainly something I can achieve after hours and hours of hard work and dedication; but would it be worth it? It takes some people years to master another language, yet alone 10! Were I to undergo something like that, I’d literally have to shut out almost every other aspect of my life, dedicating every ounce of time I had to learning these languages. While it could certainly be done, it probably wouldn’t be the wisest move, as the opportunities I’d miss out on would be greater than the potential rewards.

The other obstacle you have to watch out for is developing skills that don’t really interest you but interest someone else. I’ve lost track of how many people I know that took up piano to impress their parents growing up or how many guys start playing guitar because their girlfriend wants them to. They waste valuable time developing skills that don’t really interest them, which means they’re probably not putting a whole lot of effort into it either. Just imagine if instead they’d focused all that time towards something that actually mattered to them; something they could be using right now instead of something that’s only wasting their time.

Which takes me to my next point: skills operate on a use it or lose it basis (even passive ones). Whether you decide to learn a language, take up an instrument, or develop a technical skill, not using that skill for an extended period of time will cause it to decline. It doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily be back to scratch, but it’ll take some time to get comfortable again. You see this commonly with people that learn other languages but never have an opportunity to speak them. The knowledge is there, it just gets pushed to the back while other things take priority. When it comes time to draw on that knowledge, it can be a bit foggy to get things rolling again. Depending on the skill and how long it’s been since you last used it, it may very well be gone for good and need to be relearned all over again. This is also why developing skills that are important to you is so critical; you’re more likely to use them on a consistent basis, and so you don’t really have to worry about forgetting them.

The final thing to take note of is the order in which you should develop your skills. Developing skills that are extremely important at a later time in life (instead of right now) can have a wide range of negative effects with the most prominent being that you’ll miss out on a lot of opportunities. For example, if someone doesn’t develop proficient social skills until they’re 30, they’re going to miss out on a lot of opportunities that someone who’s had those skills since they were 10 has had. Once again though, this comes down to prioritizing what skills you want. Someone may go their entire life without developing proficient social skills, however if that isn’t an aspect of their life they want to build upon then it’s not going to slow that person down. Just like you may go your entire life without ever understanding how your car works, always paying others to do your maintenance for you. I know some people that would find this blasphemous, but the truth is, if such a skill holds no value to you, there’s no point in developing it. You can only develop so many skills anyway, so there’s little point in developing skills you don’t want.

How DOES someone just start acquiring skills though? We know that there are a lot of passive skills that we develop through our daily interactions, but how do you go about developing skills that require a conscious effort?

One thing I like to do is spend an hour a day working on something that interests me. Lately for me this has been writing, practicing Krav Maga, and learning a new language. I actually try and spend 2 hours every morning, but on days I can’t do that I try and put in at least an hour’s worth of time. Krav Maga is more intense than any workout I’ve ever done before, so it has the added benefit of keeping me in shape while developing self-defense skills. As far as learning a new language goes, a friend of mine offered to teach me Arabic and I decided to give it a shot, realizing that it’s actually pretty fun to learn. While my interests, like most peoples, are subject to change at any time, these are all areas I’ve been making a conscious effort at developing skills in.

Although there’s no set pattern to developing skills, whenever you’re given free time, instead of lazing on the couch in front of the television, put it to use by learning something that you can benefit from. Remember that the sooner you develop certain skill sets, the sooner you’ll be able to reap the rewards for doing so. Also, it doesn’t hurt to break out of any stereotypical molds on occasion. Don’t ever feel inclined to like something you don’t, even when there’s pressure for you to take interest in it. Whether for social, environmental, or cultural reasons, people often feel like they have to take interest in something and develop skills to suit those interests, even if it holds little value to them. They feel like it’s “expected” of them to do so. The truth is, if everybody took on the same interests, everybody would be a carbon copy of one another. The most well developed people have a wide variety of skills they use every day; developing skills that truly matter to them, not skills that they feel they’re expected to possess.

Developing skills in life is actually a lot of fun, and once you can consciously begin to recognize how the process works and how you can take advantage of it, you’ll soon come to learn just how many doors you can open for yourself. Don’t sit around thinking that life “just happens,” because the reality is, YOU decide how it happens. Decide where you want to go, gain the appropriate skills to get there, and enjoy the life you’ve given yourself.